Self-Sabotage: What are you fearing?

Updated: Sep 7, 2020

You may have heard of self-boycott or self-sabotage, but do you really know what that means or the reason why it happens? Professional success, happiness in relationships, tranquility, in general, are aspects desired by everyone, right? Not always!

The realization of dreams, personal or professional, scare and cause fear to more people than you can imagine. It causes changes in life, which, for many, is paralyzing. Self-boycott occurs when we harm ourselves in some area of ​​life, to delay or prevent improvements. It is an unconscious process and, therefore, we can repeat this behavior automatically without having control over our attitudes. In a 1916 text entitled “Those ruined by success,” Freud points out something about the relationship between success and failure: “It seems even more surprising, and in reality stunning, when, as a doctor, the discovery is made that people occasionally fall ill precisely at the moment when a deep-rooted and long-fed desire reaches fulfillment. It is as if they are unable to tolerate their happiness, so there can be no doubt that there is a causal link between their success and the fact that they fall ill. ”

Why does self-boycott happen?

Self-boycott is quite common, it is present in our daily lives, and the reason is different for each person.

Our personal histories and the environment in which we live, from a very young age, are responsible for the formation of our personality, traumas, and fears. We carry these marks throughout life without even realizing or pausing to reflect on them.

It can also be associated with unconscious feelings, such as fear and guilt. The fear of failing and not meeting one's expectations is also a big trap in making a dream come true.

This fear becomes so high that the person prefers not to take any chances and gives up trying to reach a specific goal. 

It is something that processes automatically in the unconscious and lead us to miss opportunities and dreams.

Letting everything stay the same is a sign of comfort and fear of leaving the comfort zone.

How to get out of this cycle? The first step is to stop and observe yourself. Think about what repeatedly doesn't go well in your life, and whether you have any responsibility for it. Seeking self-knowledge is the first big step. The more you know, the easier it is to work and deal with the feelings and behaviors that positively or negatively influence your daily life. Another interesting strategy is to talk to a friend who can help you identify the automatic behaviors that are leading you to self-boycott. Accept help. Sometimes that's all it takes to overcome your own obstacles.   What are you afraid of? Do you feel you are self-boycotting? Do not allow fear or insecurity to paralyze you in the search for new challenges and in the realization of your dreams, personal or professional. To live is to take risks and launch yourself into opportunities because only then is it possible to break free and be happy.

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